双语·有声 冬日里来读读这个温暖的故事

一个在花店工作过的女孩的故事，在冬夜让人温暖……...

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On my first day of work at the flower shop, I showed up in sandals（凉鞋）. The second day, realizing I needed something close-toed, I wore my nice Oxfords. The third day, having learned that less fancy would be best, I debuted（首演）a pair of red high-top Converse sneakers I bought specifically for the job.

在花店上班的第一天，我穿着凉鞋出现了。第二天，意识到我需要一双不露脚趾的鞋，我穿上了漂亮的牛津鞋。第三天，意识到到少花些哨才是最好的，于是我购置了一双红色的高帮匡威运动鞋，这是我专门为这项工作买的。

The clean white toes and soles（脚底） of my Chuck Taylors perfectly reflected my newness at the flower shop — how long it took me to put together bouquets（花束）, how I struggled to fold paper around loose stems in a way that was pretty or at least presentable.

我的匡威Chuck Taylors系列鞋的白色前脸和和鞋底完美地反映了我在花店的新人角色——我花了很长时间才把花束捆在一起；我挣扎着用一种漂亮的或者至少是像样的方式用纸把花束拢到一起。“It’s like swaddling a baby（用襁褓包裹婴儿）,” someone told me in an effort to be helpful, but I had never done that either.

“就像包裹一个襁褓中的婴儿，”有人这样告诉我，想对我有所启发，但我从来没有这么做过。

My dream of working in a flower shop had its roots in my grandmother’s garden, always in bloom, where I made bouquets with whatever I could get my hands on. But that experience in no way prepared me for the number of buckets I would have to clean or the way dirt would wedge（楔牢） itself permanently under my nails.

我在花店工作的梦想扎根于我祖母的花园，那里总是盛开着鲜花，在那里我用我能找到的任何东西做花束。但这种经历让我面对需要清理的水桶如此之多时，还是有点措手不及，也让我对那些楔入指甲下永远清理不干净的泥巴有点愕然。

Mostly, though, I wasn’t prepared for the people, from the man who handed out three flowers to three strangers every Tuesday to the Thanksgiving guest who sent a bouquet to his hosts after walking off with one of their silver dinner knives in his pocket. Their stories wove their way into mine and stuck with （紧紧跟随）me long after I locked up for the night.

不过，大多数情况下，还是人们让我更加错愕不已。比如在每个星期二向三个陌生人分发三束鲜花的那个人；或者感恩节的那个客人，他把主人的一枚银餐刀装在口袋里带走之后，送了一束花给他。他们的故事与我的故事交织在了一起，在夜里如影相随，难以忘怀。I always enjoyed reading the messages that went along with each bouquet. Most were what you would expect, plenty of “I Love You” and “Get Well Soon.” We got so many “Happy Birthday,” “Happy Anniversary” and “Thinking of You” requests that phone messages were written in shorthand: H.B., H.A., T.O.Y.

我总是喜欢阅读每一束花的赠言。大多数都跟你想的一样，有很多“我爱你”和“祝早日康复”。我们收到很多电话订购，希望写上“生日快乐”、“结婚纪念日快乐”、“想你”等等，这些电话留言都是用速记法记录的：H.B.，H.A.，T.O.Y.But others had more flair（天赋）, like, “Farewell to your old boobs（胸部） and hello to the new Megan,” or “Dear Baby Daddy Johnny: Thank you for your powerful sperm.”

但有些顾客很有天赋，比如，“告别你的小胸，向新的梅根问好”，或者“亲爱的爸爸强尼：谢谢你强大的精子。”

Once, I took a phone order for a dozen yellow roses and a card that read, “Sorry I’m an idiot.”

“Is that it?” I asked. “‘Sorry I’m an idiot’?”

“‘From, Your Duck,’” he added.

“‘Duck’ like the animal?”

“Yeah.”

有一次，我接了一个电话订购，订的是一打黄玫瑰和一张卡片，上面要写:

“对不起，我是个白痴。”

“就这些？” 我问，“对不起，我是个白痴?”

“你的鸭子，”他补充道。

“‘鸭是动物的那个鸭吗?”

“是的。”I would scoff（嘲笑） at messages that seemed too sugary, trite（陈腐，老套） or boring, and it disheartened（使沮丧） me when customers asked what their sympathy card should say. But I also understood that finding the right words can be a monumental task and that sometimes those words just happen to be the same ones everyone else is using.

我会嘲笑那些看起来太甜腻、太陈腐或无聊的赠言，当客户询问他们的“慰问卡”应该说什么时，我会很沮丧。但我也明白，找到合适的词语可能是一项艰巨的任务，有时这些话恰好是其他人都在使用的。

About six months into the job, I came across a message that struck me for its frankness and honesty: “Cards and flowers seem so lame（站不住脚的） when someone dies but we are thinking of you and want you to know.” I thought about that note a lot.

大约在工作了6个月后，我看到一条让我震惊的赠言:“当你逝去，卡片和鲜花似乎是那么的蹩脚，但我们却在想着你，想让你知道。” 这条赠言让我思付良多。When I was 18, my boyfriend of two years hanged himself from the rafters（椽子） of his garage. He was the first boy I kissed, the first I loved, the last person I talked to at night and the first person I talked to in the morning, until one sunny day in November when I woke up to a call from his mother.

我18岁的时候，交往了两年的男朋友在他家车库的屋梁上吊了。他是我的初吻，我的初恋，夜晚和我交谈的最后一个人，早上和我交谈的第一个人，直到11月阳光明媚的一天，我醒来接到他母亲的电话。People sent cards. I don’t remember what they wrote, but what mattered was the gesture. Maybe they said, “With our deepest sympathies,” or “We’re so sorry for your loss.” For me it all came down to one word: gone.

人们寄来卡片。我不记得他们写了什么，但重要的是这份心意。也许他们会说，“致以我们最深切的同情”，或者“我们为你的损失感到抱歉”。对我来说，这一切都归结为两个字：走了。

After he died, I thought of his death as something that had happened to me, an act committed specifically with me in mind because of something I had or had not done, and it took me years to break free（摆脱） from this habit.

在他死后，我认为他的死是发生在我身上的一件事，在内心深处他的死与我有关，与我曾经做过或没有做过的事情有关。我花了好几年的时间才摆脱了这个思维习惯。

By the time I started working with flowers, I had shed some of my cynicism and bitterness. I no longer wore his old T-shirts to bed and had given up on finding answers to impossible questions, most of which were versions of the relentless, “What could I have done?” There was always something, but at the same time, absolutely nothing, and I had learned to live with that.

刚开始在花店工作的时候，我已经不那么愤世嫉俗和痛不欲生了。我不再穿着他的旧T恤睡觉，放弃寻找那些不可能有解的有答案，而问题大都过于残酷，“我还能做点什么?” 总能做点什么吧，但与此同时，什么都做不了，我已经学会了这样活下去。I had moved away and finished school and loved someone else. I was more open to people’s pain and also their happiness, two states of being that used to equally irritate me: the pain because it hit too close to home（切身体会）, and the happiness because it seemed so far away. I became more interested in other people’s stories, and the more I was confronted with life in all of its beauty and ugliness, the more I felt a softening in me.

我搬了家，完成了学业，又恋爱了。我能接受人们的痛苦和幸福了，这两种状态之前都会刺激我：痛苦是因为我有切肤之痛，而幸福似乎离我太遥远了。我对别人的故事越来越感兴趣，越是看到生活的美丽和丑陋，就越是感到自己的内心在慢慢释怀。

I have sold flowers to single men and women, to colorblind fathers shopping with their precocious daughters, to new parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, to engaged 20-somethings and couples celebrating 50 years. I’ve given flowers to homeless men who have in turn given them to pretty girls in summer dresses.

我把鲜花卖给单身男人和女人，卖给患有色盲的父亲和跟他一起来花店买花的初长成的女儿，卖给刚刚做了父母亲、祖父母、婶婶和叔叔们的人们，卖给20多岁刚订婚的的年轻人，还有那些庆祝50年结婚纪念日的老夫老妻。我把鲜花送给无家可归的人们，他们转手把这些花送给那些穿着夏天衣裙的漂亮女孩。Once I presented a Cherry Brandy rose to Extremo the Clown — a gray-haired, red-foam-nose character who drives the Never Never Van around the streets of Portland, Ore., while blasting music and waving a monkey puppet out the window. People buy flowers when they’re in love, in trouble, drunk, devastated, excited and sometimes for no obvious reason.

有一次，我向小丑Extremo展示了一种叫做“樱桃白兰地”的红玫瑰，小丑Extremo是一个灰白头发、红色大鼻子的人，他在俄勒冈州波特兰市的街道上驾驶着造型独一无二的面包车，一边听着音乐，一边挥舞着猴子的玩偶。人们在恋爱、烦恼、喝醉、伤心、兴奋时买花，而有时没有缘由的也会买花。

Only occasionally would I get to see how the story played out（发生）. I helped a young man buy flowers for a woman he was seeing, and he told me that he would soon be proposing to her on a trip overseas they were taking together. I remember him because he came in looking for the most fragrant flowers — stock, stargazers, tuberose.

我只是偶尔会看看顾客们的故事如何进展。我帮助过一个年轻人买花送给他约会的一个女生，他告诉我，他们很快将一起出国旅行，他会在旅行中向她求婚。我记得他，因为他来店里买“最香”的花——紫罗兰，百合花，晚香玉。

I spent 15 minutes with him, walking around, taking whiffs of （些许）each flower. It was the first time I had bothered（费力，努力） to smell a flower all day, even though I had been working for hours.

我和他一起花了15分钟，四处走动，每种花都拿在手上。这是我第一次一整天都在卖力地闻花，尽管我已经工作了好几个小时。

Six months later, he came back. Again, I pointed out the most fragrant flowers, watching as he buried his nose in the blooms and listening as he told me about his wife, now pregnant.

六个月后，他回来了。再一次，我指着最芬芳的花朵，看着他把他的鼻子埋在花里，听他告诉我，他的妻子已经怀孕了。

At first, I was blown away（非常高兴） by the ease and regularity with which I was invited into customers’ lives, but it quickly became the norm.

起初，对于“受邀”进入顾客安逸和规律的生活状态，我觉得很高兴；但我很快就习以为常了。

“What’s this for?” I would ask, because it was my job.

“这样做的意义是什么?” 我想问，因为这是我的工作。

“Anniversary.” “Birthday.” “Just because.” But then sometimes, “This might be too much information, but I’m dating my ex-wife.” And just like that, I would find myself in the middle of a discussion about what that’s like, to date one’s former spouse.

“周年纪念日。”“生日。”“仅仅因为。” 但有时，“一言难尽，但我正在和我的前妻约会。” 诸如此类，我会发现自己正在一场关于“和前妻约会是怎么样”的讨论中。

I took notes on these conversations, snapped（拍快照） photos of card messages and told my favorite shop stories to co-workers, family and friends, but still so much has gotten away. I have lost the Post-its （便利贴） or can’t quite make out what my fragmented notes refer to. Details escape me, and sometimes it seems as if the harder I try to hold on to them, the more blurry they become.

我在这些讨论中做了笔记，拍下了卡片上的留言，并把我最喜欢的花店故事告诉了同事、家人和朋友，但这些记忆仍旧变得支离破碎。我已经弄丢了很多便利贴，也弄不清楚我支离破碎的笔记记的是什么。细节越来越记不清，有时似乎我越努力抓住它们，它们就变得越模糊。That used to drive me crazy. Shame on me, I thought, to gather so many stories, only to let them go like water through cupped palms. But the beauty, I learned, was that there would always be more, and that made the losing more O.K.

这点曾经把我逼疯了。我很惭愧，收集了这么多故事，只是为了让它们像水一样流过捧成杯状的手掌。但我知道，总会有更多美丽的故事，因此失去更多也就变得可以接受了。

Why do we send flowers? To make up for what is intangible（难以捉摸的，无法形容的，难以确定的）? Those feelings we can’t hold in our hands and present as a gift to our loved ones? And why is it that the placeholders（替代缺失部分的占位符） we choose — the dozen red roses, the fragrant white lilies, the long-stemmed French tulips — are so fleeting? Hold on to them for too long and you end up with a mess of petals, pollen and foul-smelling water.

我们为什么送花？为了补偿无法确定的？那些我们不能握在手中的感觉，作为礼物送给我们所爱的人?为什么我们选择的替代物——一打红玫瑰，芬芳的白色百合花，长茎的法国郁金香——如此短暂？一直抓住它们，你就会被花瓣、花粉和恶臭的水弄得一团糟。After my boyfriend’s death, I went about（着手做） trying to find closure. I wrote letters and set them on fire. I went to a therapist, then another. I went to yoga and tried meditation. I moved to Colorado, then Oregon. I went so many places and carried him along with me to each of them. I have done so much holding.

我男朋友死后，我试着做个了结。我写了信，然后把信一把火烧了。我去看治疗师，一个接一个。我去练瑜伽，试着冥想。我搬到了科罗拉多州，然后是俄勒冈州。我去了很多地方，带着他。我做了太多太多。

There’s a picture I took of him just days before I left for college, two months before he died. It was the summer of chips and guacamole（鳄梨酱） dinners we shared sitting on the living-room floor. He’s standing in the kitchen wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, one perfect half of an avocado cradled in his hand. His face is turned away, hidden from the camera, but I like to think he’s smiling.

有一张他的照片是我离家去上大学的前几天给他拍的，也是他去世前两个月。我们坐在客厅地板上分享薯片和鳄梨酱的夏日晚餐。他站在厨房里，穿着一件白色T恤和牛仔裤，手里拿着一只鳄梨。他的脸转了过去，没有拍到，但我宁愿相信他是在微笑。I remember the song we were listening to, the chatter （吱吱叫）of frogs through the screen door, my bare feet on wood. Precious moments made all the more precious by the fact that they have already come and gone. Now I measure months by what’s in season: sunflowers in July, dahlias in August, rosehips and maple in October, pine in December, hyacinth in March, crowd-pleasing peonies in May.

我记得我们一起听的那首歌，纱门外青蛙的叫声，我赤脚踩在木地板上。珍贵的时刻因为来了又去了，从而变得更加珍贵。如今，我用应季的花儿来丈量岁月：7月向日葵，8月大丽花，10月玫瑰和枫树，12月松树，3月风信子，5月牡丹。

A favorite of mine is tulip magnolia, the way the buds erupt into blooms and the blooms into a litter of color on lawns, all in a matter of weeks while it’s snowing cherry blossoms. How startlingly beautiful impermanence（无常） can be.

我最喜欢的花是紫木兰，它的蓓蕾会怒放成花簇，然后在草坪上连成一片片的花海，红色的花朵会绽放好几周。这是多么美丽的无常啊！

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