弦乐界的鄙视链是怎么样的?中提琴手背后一阵冷风吹过

 

弦乐界的鄙视链是怎么样的?中提琴手背后一阵冷风吹过...



作者:与君共勉(知乎)
在弦乐的世界中

当大提琴和小提琴在互相争锋鄙视时

中提琴在默默擦眼泪



大家都嘲笑中提琴的音域和音色
嘲笑就算了 弦乐界里还有好多拿中提琴当梗笑话



How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?

(怎么防止你的小提琴被偷窃?)
Put it in a viola case.

(把它放进中提琴的箱子里)


What's the difference between a violin and a viola?

(小提琴和中提琴之间有什么不同?)

The viola burns longer.

(中提琴烧得更久)

The viola holds more beer.

(中提琴能摆更多啤酒在上面)

You can tune the violin.

(你可以给小提琴调音)



We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer?

(我们都知道中提琴比小提琴好因为它能烧的更久。但是为什么它能烧得更久?)
It's usually still in the case.

(中提琴通常都还在箱子里)

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?

(中提琴和洋葱之间有什么不同?)
No one cries when you cut up a viola.

(中提琴被切断时没人会哭)


How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?

(要怎么才能知道一个中提琴手走调了?)
The bow is moving. (当琴弓在动时)

【一出声就是走调..】


Why don't violists play hide and seek?

(为什么中提琴手们不玩捉迷藏?)
Because no one will look for them.

(因为没人会去找他们)


How do you get a violin to sound like a viola?

(怎么让一把小提琴听起来像中提琴?)
Sit in the back and don't play.

(坐在后面然后不要出声)

Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.

(随便乱拉一些走调的低音)


What is the range of a Viola?

(中提琴的音域范围是怎样的?)
As far as you can kick it.

(只要是你能踢到它的范围就好)


If you're lost in the desert, what do you aim for?

A good viola player, a bad viola player or an oasis?

(如果你在沙漠里迷路了,你要找到什么?

一个好的中提琴手,一个坏的中提琴手,还是一片绿洲?)

The bad viola player. The other two are only figments of your imagination.

(坏的中提琴手。另外两个只存在你的幻想里)


Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording?

(为什么音乐录音里听不到中提琴的声音?)

Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

(录音技术已经发达到可以把所有不必要的噪音都剔除了)


How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?

(怎么让12个中提琴手拉对音准?)
1. Shoot 11 of them. (射杀掉11个)
2. Shoot all of them. (把他们全射杀掉)
3. Who the hell wants a dozen violists?

(谁他妈会想要12个中提琴手?)

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