你会关上那扇门吗？

 

当你面临人性的选择：关上门保护自己和身后人的安全，打开门拯救更多的生命却要面对致命危险，你会怎么做？

这样的抉择，是当疫情在全球蔓延，很多人都面临的人性拷问。

这也是南加州大学留学生朱家毅在疫情中的思考。从一开始担心爸妈到后来被爸妈担心，最终她做出回国决定，在漫长的飞行和隔离过程中，她对人性也有了更深的理解。

朱家毅说，“我们人类都自然而然地渴望归属感和安全感。但是以何种程度和界限，平衡自我保护和集体意识，取决于我们个人。”

2020必然是值得纪念的一年，虽然还不能确定纪念的到底会是什么。这一年我们会更加团结，全球合作和协同不断加强，还是分崩离析？我们每个人都是这一历史篇章的书写者。

同情还是仇恨？理解还是偏见？携手还是互斥？这是我们的选择。

现就读于美国南加州大学

从担心爸妈变成“被担心对象”

Torn apart but drawn inexorably together

疫情下的人性抉择，分离中我们愈加团结

“Mom, I heard about the news in China. Could you and dad please please stay at home? I know how visiting relatives is important to you but these are difficult times.”

“妈妈，我看了最近国内的新闻，求求你，和爸爸待在家里好吗？我知道拜年对你们来说很重要，但是现在情况真的很严重”

This is what I said to my mom right before the Chinese New Year, following the news of the virus outbreak in China. I was in LA, studying there for half a year, and I felt there were only two things I could do: call my friends and family and tell them to stay home and stay safe, and donate to the groups that could send resources back to China. However, just a few weeks after that call, things completely flipped out, and my mom had a similar conversation with me, yet there’s how I responded.

这是春节前我对妈妈说的话，那时候国内疫情刚暴发，我身在洛杉矶，求学已半年。彼时我觉得自己能做的只有两件事：给朋友和家人打电话，告诉他们不要出门，保证自己的安全；以及给能够向中国输送资源的组织捐款。然而，就在那通电话几个星期后，情况发生了翻天覆地的变化，妈妈也对我进行了类似的叮嘱，而我是这样回的：

“I know how important it is for me to self-quarantine and not to go out, but it wouldn’t have worked if I  was the only one who’s taking it seriously. I’m living with two other girls, and my American roomie is literally going to Chicago for spring break just because the flight tickets were so cheap. I’m not gonna sacrifice my own life and my workout routine just if people around me don’t care.”

“我知道足不出户自我隔离有多重要，但如果我是唯一一个把疫情当回事的人，这样做无济于事。我和另外两个女孩住在一起，我的美国室友刚刚买了去芝加哥的机票过春假，仅仅因为机票太便宜。我不会牺牲自己的正常生活和健身规划，因为我周围的人根本不在乎。”

Clearly, there were double standards that I had relating to my parents and myself. But that’s how I realized how big of a sacrifice everybody back home in China had been making, but also I was on to something as well: in the face of a dangerously infectious disease like coronavirus, it takes joint efforts from the society as a whole to effectively fight back and it wouldn’t have worked if you were alone in this. Which is how we felt as international students abroad, especially those of us who are from China. We felt helpless, because although we know how dangerous the virus could get and in what way we could effectively contain its spread, it’s more desperate for us to watch how people around us were treating it differently.

显然，我对父母和自己有着双重标准。正因此我意识到，身在祖国的每个人都做出了巨大的牺牲。而且我也在思考：面对像新冠病毒一样危险的传染病，需要整个社会共同努力才能与之对抗，仅靠个人的力量是不会奏效的。这也是我们作为留学生的感受，尤其是我们这些来自中国的留学生。我们感到无助，因为我们虽然很清楚病毒有多凶猛，也知道如何有效抑制它的传播，正因如此，我们看到周围的人如何以不同的方式应对它时，我们更加绝望。

Now obviously, the dude on the Miami beach who yelled “if I get corona, I get corona. At the end of the day, I’m not gonna let it stop me from partying” was an extreme example, otherwise it wouldn’t have become viral, but he did speak the minds of quite a few young Americans who still continue to romanticize freedom and risk-taking under the current emergency.

很明显，那个在迈阿密海滩上叫嚣“如果我会被新冠病毒感染，就让它感染吧。我可不会让它妨碍我参加聚会”，当然这是一个极端例子，否则它不会成为热点新闻，但他确实说出了许多美国年轻人的想法，即便是在如此紧急的情况下，他们仍极力渲染自由和冒险精神。

The feeling of helplessness ran deep for us Chinese students studying abroad who were witnessing how things are treated differently. More than that, the danger of xenophobia and the undercurrent of racism during the novel coronavirus outbreak that we Chinese students and Asian Americans faced has been extremely disconcerting.

因为亲眼目睹对待新冠病毒截然不同的态度，我们这些中国留学生感到深深的无助。不仅如此，在疫情暴发期间，针对中国学生和亚裔的仇外心理和种族主义也让我们极度不安。

But the sense of otherness and exclusion that we struggle against do not come from just one side. Although the health and safety of us Chinese students studying abroad have been on the radar of our family, friends, and many other compatriots in China, some voiced their opposition to having us return home under the trying situation.

然而，难以摆脱的作为外人的感觉并非只来自海外。虽然我们中国留学生的安全和健康，牵动着国内家人，朋友和同胞们的心，但也有一些人认为在目前艰难的形势下回国不是好时机。

However, It’s hard even for me myself to simply judge and accuse them of being selfish. Because in the face of something deadly infectious, that same desire for security that pushes me back is the very force that keeps them wanna pull us out. We, humanity, all naturally gravitate towards the sense of belonging and security. But how far does that go and where the fine line lies between self-protection and sense of community depends on us individual.

然而，我很难简单地评判或指责他们自私。因为面对致命的传染病，对安全的渴望驱使着我回家，也是同样的渴望，让他们希望我们留下。我们人类都自然而然地渴望归属感和安全感。但但是以何种程度和界限，平衡自我保护和集体意识，取决于我们个人。

After I returned home and during my 14-day quarantine in the hotel, I watched the film Train to Busan. Many times the characters in the film faced the choice of whether or not to keep the door open for those who might outrun the zombies and survive. On one side there’s a group of people who are relatively safe, while on the other, someone’s trying so hard to escape the zombies and make it back to the group. Do you shut the door? Different characters responded differently. The major character, Seok-woo, did close the door the first time he faced that dilemma, but only after obvious hesitation. Some may argue that he was also trying to save the group behind him by locking potential danger out. But then he gently lets go of the door, and later he answered that same question do you shut the door over and over again by constantly choosing to save more people, even at the risk to his own life.

回国后，在酒店隔离的14天里，我看了电影《釜山行》。影片中的角色多次面临生死抉择，是否为那些僵尸追杀下的幸存者打开车门。门内的人相对安全，门外的人正拼命逃离致命的僵尸，回归人群。你会关上门吗？不同的角色有不同的反应。主人公石宇刚开始选择关上了门，但在关门前他明显很犹豫。有些人会说，他这样做是为了保护身后的人群，将潜在危险阻挡在门外。但随后他又轻轻地打开了门，之后他一次次面对是否关上门的抉择，他也一次次选择了拯救更多的人，哪怕冒着生命的危险。

Now I’m not asking anyone to sacrifice their life for other people, nor am I suggesting that COVID-19 is as catastrophic or deadly as the zombie infection. But what I did learn from that film was that true humanity is something that we keep revisiting, challenging and fighting to come back to. No one is born a hero. In fact, oftentimes heros are pushed over the threshold. Therefore, I’m reminded that those doctors, nurses, social workers, customs officials, they have been making those difficult decisions in the fight against COVID-19 and risking their lives to do things that are greater than themselves.

我并不是要求任何人为他人去冒生命危险，也不是说新冠病毒是像电影里一样的致命灾难。但我从这部电影中学到，人性是我们需要不断重温、挑战和奋斗的目标。没有人天生就是英雄，事实上，很多时候时势造英雄。这提醒着我，那些医生、护士、社工，海关工作人员，他们在抗击疫情中面临着艰难抉择，他们的选择是不顾个人安危成就伟大。

Now as I and other Chinese students returned home, we went out of our way to dress safely, minimizing risky skin exposure during probably the most suffocating and uncomfortable flight in our whole lives. Many peers helped me with my luggage when I needed; customs officials were very welcoming, although they risked exposing themselves to the potential infection, and the social workers who have been looking after us in this hotel that I’m standing at right now have been so caring and working so hard. I remember one morning, our psychiatrist texted to the group a little game for mental wellness training; and she advised that one of those social workers should initiate to participate first. Twenty minutes into the waiting, no one responded. After a while, she texted the group again and explained that she just learned those social workers have been taking shifts - while half of them are trying to catch up on sleep after long hours of working, and the rest were on guard to make sure that they can attend to us on-demand, from delivering bottled water, refilling sanitizing liquids, to taking out trash, delivering our packages and sending us food and many more. “Exhausted. Literally”, one of the social workers posted on his WeChat. Another social worker, Chuan, told me that he hadn’t been home ever since the fifth day after the Chinese New Year, although he’s a local. Thousands of those people around the country have been serving and looking after others at their personal sacrifice.

在我和其他中国学生回国途中，我们极尽所能做好防护，尽量减少将风险暴露给他人，这可能是我们人生中最窒息和不适的航程了。许多人同龄人帮我拿行李，海关工作人员也热情接纳我们，尽管他们冒着风险在接触潜在感染源。给予我们贴心照顾的，还有我现在所在的隔离酒店的社工，他们如此尽心尽力。我记得在隔离期间的一天上午，心理医生在微信群里发布了一个有益我们心理健康的小游戏。她建议工作人员带头参与，然而20分钟后，并没有人回应。又过了一会儿，她在群里发消息告诉我们她刚刚得知工作人员正在轮班－他们中的半数在长时间工作后正补觉，其他的人则在值班，确保我们的一系列需求能及时得到满足，从送瓶装水、补充消毒液、到倒垃圾，代收我们的快递，给我们送食物，方方面面。“真的筋疲力尽了”，一位工作人员在微信上写道。另一位工作人员川先生告诉我，虽然他是一个本地人，但从大年初五开始就没回过家。全国各地成千上万的人，牺牲个人，服务和照看他人。

Growing up I’ve heard enough that hard times bond people together, but now I know, not necessarily nor naturally - it’s a conscious choice to make. China has decided to stick with other countries by donating or distributing medical resources. Now some may see it as selflessness, but it is a sense of enlightened self-interest, as well. Because for better or worse we are living in an age of globalization – and this pandemic starkly demonstrates that – but if nobody tooks on the mantle of global leadership, the world and the future would be extremely bleak.

成长的过程中，人们一直说，艰难时日让人团结一致，但现在我知道，这不是必然，也不是理所当然，这是人们有意识的选择。中国与其他国家风雨同舟，向他们不断捐赠或援助医疗物资。你可能认为这是无私，但它同时也是卓识的助人者自助。因为不管怎样，我们生活在一个全球化的时代——这场疫情也清楚地表明了这一点——大家如果都不去承担对世界所负有的责任，人类和世界的未来一片黑暗。

2020 is certainly a year to remember, but it’s not certain yet what to remember it for. Is it a year that draws all of us together and train us better at global cooperation and synergies, or is it a year that sets all of us apart? I don’t have an answer, but I know everyone of us is writing this chapter right now as we choose to share empathy or hatred, understanding or bigotry, bonding or exclusion.

2020必然是值得纪念的一年，虽然还不确定纪念的到底会是什么。这一年我们更加团结，全球合作和协同不断加强，还是分崩离析？我并没有答案，但我们每个人，都是这一历史篇章的书写者，这是我们的选择，抱同理心还是仇恨，理解还是偏见，彼此联结还是互相排斥。

I know which path I am taking, and in doing so I’m inspired by those doctors, nurses, construction workers, customs officials, flight attendants, sanitation workers, every civil compatriot, political leaders and every international friends who have been actively playing their parts in the fight against novel coronavirus. Only in solidarity, we human society will have a chance to win over the COVID-19 with pride and dignity. Now which path do you take?

我知道我会做出怎样的选择，是他们激励了我，医生、护士，建筑工人、海关工作人员，乘务员、环卫工人，每一位同胞、领导人和国际友人，他们一直在积极地与新冠病毒作斗争。只有团结一心，人类社会才有机会，有尊严且自豪地赢得这场抗“疫”。你会做出怎样的选择？

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