小时候我们居然相信过这些鬼话！

今天是小孩子最大、再熊也不敢有人骂的儿童节。而对于你们这些严重超龄的，只有在票圈晒晒软件生成的你小时候根本不是长这样的小学生证件照、你发来我发去有洗钱嫌疑的61.61红包、支付宝昧着良心叫你宝宝的截图、单位领导怕你今天翘班给你发的一包零食！...



今天是小孩子最大、再熊也不敢有人骂的儿童节。而对于你们这些严重超龄的，只有在朋友圈晒晒软件生成的你小时候根本不是长这样的小学生证件照、你发来我发去有洗钱嫌疑的61.61红包、支付宝昧着良心叫你宝宝的截图、单位领导怕你今天翘班给你发的一包零食！

不过承认吧，即便你还有福尔马林泡过般的童颜，你也回不到小孩子的状态了，因为你已经失去了小朋友最重要的东西——一颗天真无邪很好骗的童心！

仔细想想，小时候的我们真是一副天真无邪很好骗的样子呢。比如小编就曾经以为自己是医院门口捡来的，也曾为了念北大还是读清华而苦恼不已。而最初的也是最大的疑团则来自对自己身体的探索……

国外网站Buzzfeed就曾鼓励网友们分享自己小时候深信不疑的关于身体的传说或谎言。现在汉化给大家乐一乐吧！

“For some reason I had gotten it in my head that the fluid coming out of a woman every month during her period was blue. ”不知为啥，我一直认为女生每个月的大姨妈应该是蓝色的。

——Sarah Daugherty

这题我会答↓↓↓



“A girl in elementary school said that if you slept with a pillow under your shirt you would get pregnant. I became terrified of pillows anywhere near me and refused to use them.”小学班上一个女生跟我说如果睡觉时衣服里面塞了枕头就会怀孕。吓得我根本不敢靠近枕头，更别说睡上面啦。

——Kristin Piazza

你确定你同学不是在办家家酒？





“When I was a kid, I used to poke at my belly button to the point where it would get irritated. So to prevent me from doing this, my mom told me that if I kept poking at it, my belly button would open up and swallow my hand, and then my hand would be stuck inside my stomach forever.”小时候我经常抠肚脐眼儿，抠到发红发痛。我妈为了阻止我，就告诉我如果还抠，肚脐眼儿就会抠穿，而且手会陷进去永远拔不出来。

——Dawn Ferchak

心疼你有个好暗黑系的妈妈！





“I thought that if you masturbated, an egg would be released and a baby would grow. I was so scared the first time I did. Like, ‘How the fuck am I gonna explain this to my dad. I’m seven.’”我当时以为每次自（羞羞）慰的时候就会下颗蛋，然后会孵出小baby。所以我第一次zw的时候可担心了。如果有孩子了该如何向我爸解释，我才7岁呀！

——Victoria Carr

你7岁就学会了zw！？Excuse me！？



“I used to think that belly buttons were self-destruct buttons. If you stick your finger in there, your innards would invert and everything would start spilling out. I didn’t clean my belly button for over 13 years because of that. Man, the stuff I dug out of there…”我以为肚脐眼儿是自我毁灭按钮。如果拿手指去戳，内脏就会开始翻云覆雨、侵泄而出。所以我超过13年没有洗过肚脐。后来清洗时掏出来的东西，那酸爽……

——Shaikha Nabeel Almulla

小编也是长大后才敢洗肚脐眼儿，因为妈妈说会进水肚子疼。





“My parents told me that if I swallowed bubble gum, a bubble gum tree would grow inside me. I don’t know what’s worse – believing a tree would grow inside me, or believing bubble gum trees existed.”我爹妈说如果把泡泡糖吞进去，身体里就会长颗泡泡糖树。我居然傻到两样都信了——相信身体里面长得出树，还相信世界上还存在泡泡糖树。

——Amy Flaherty

好多人小时候都以为吞了西瓜籽会在肚子里结出西瓜。而有泡泡糖树存在的世界还蛮美好的嘛。



“I believed that the penis was pulled out from the belly button and then pushed back in when the boys were done going to the bathroom.”我以为小丁丁是从肚脐眼里拉出来的，男生们尿尿完之后会再推回去。

——Ashley Rizzuto

看在你是个女孩子的份上，小编假装代表男生原谅你！



“When I was younger, my mom always told me that if I lied I would get a small black hole in my heart, and then if I continued to lie my heart would turn into one big black hole and I would die… pretty morbid.”小时候妈妈告诉我撒谎的话心脏就会出现个小黑洞，撒的慌多了小黑洞就会越来越大，最后死掉……很惊悚啊。

——Brittany Gacek

妈妈也是在撒谎啊，这个洞还不小！





“I believed that a mother and son lived inside my butt, made my poop, and pushed it out for me. I would constantly yell “PUSH!!” when using the bathroom.”我以为自己屁股里面住了对母子，他们会生产粑粑，再把粑粑推出来。所以我拉粑粑的时候会一直喊“加把劲推啊！！”

——Madeline Bordelon

边大便边为自己加油，旁边隔间的人会认为你活得太励志啦！



“I thought ‘feelings’ were bones in my heart and someone broke them when my feelings got hurt.”我以为“情感”就是心脏的骨头，如果谁折断了它们，我就会伤心。

——Kelly Stamy

这个比喻其实很贴切呢，受了情伤的人心脏真的会有细碎的痛感。





“I used to believe that my whole buttcrack was my butthole, and thought poop came out like CDs, even though mine obviously never did.”我曾以为我整个股沟都是菊花，而粑粑应该以CD的方式拉出，虽然一次都没成功过。

你应该庆幸自己没有成功过！裂开了不是很好啊……



“I thought that women got pregnant just by thinking ‘would like to get pregnant now’, and it just happened. Like how you can think you wanna move your arm and it will.”我以为如果女生哪天想着“是时候怀孕了”，她就会有宝宝。就像你想着要移动手臂，手臂就能动一样。

想得也太简单了吧，女儿国的女孩子都还要喝口河水才会怀孕呢。





“I thought that getting boobs and how big they would be was optional. I always said I wasn’t going to grow any. I now have DDDs and they’re pretty great.”我小时候以为要不要胸部，胸要多大都是可以选择的。小时候我一点儿也不想要。不过现在我的DDD杯让我很满意呢。

记得小时候都在为胸部发育感到苦恼，都在攀比谁的更小。长大了以后世界就变了……〒o〒



“I believed that penises grew like teeth… like, when you’re little, you have a ‘baby’ one and then in time it would fall off and you’d just grow a new ‘adult’ one.”我以为长小丁丁就像长牙一样……你知道的啊，小时候有乳牙，到年龄了就会脱落长出“成人”牙（恒牙），所以……

那到了年龄还不脱落是不是得拔掉啊！！？？



“I used to think that men had to squeeze their penis in order to pee.”

我一直以为男生尿尿必须挤小丁丁。

难道是像这样↓↓↓





“When I was young I was obsessed with my granny's 2 golden retrievers and was convinced that when I grew up I could be a dog too. I was crushed when I found out that you in fact could not switch species...”我小时候和喜欢和奶奶家的两只金毛玩，并坚信自己长大以后也会变成一只狗。当我发现没办法改变物种时，整个世界都崩塌了……

这位小哥，只要你愿意，随时可以变成狗的！



I  believed that the only reason people pooped was that it was practice for having a baby someday. I took pooping SO seriously because of that.我曾坚信人们大便是为了以后生孩子做练习。因此我每次都大得十分认真！

想问问那男生便便是为了什么呢？





When I was little I used to think if you ate a bowl of dog food, you would turn in to a dog. Dog food is disgusting, and it didn’t work.我小时候以为吃一碗狗粮就会变成狗。事实证明狗粮难吃，吃了也没用。

长大了更会明白，不管是哪种狗粮都不好吃呢。

Kelly Oakes/文

Belle/汉化

大家小时候还信过什么奇奇怪怪的说法呢？欢迎在评论区分享哦~~

最后还是祝各位超龄宝宝们节日快乐吧！（原创不易，转载call me）

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