Day13:有一种恋爱是你在犹豫，我在等待
等着等着就不想等了。...
【一对好朋友决定连续约会40天，还记录下每一天。40天后好朋友能不能终成眷属？他们交换了日记，才发现男女想法大不同。两人内心世界将向你敞开，你会不会找到自己的影子？】
第13天 Jessica的日记
Did you see Timothy today? 你今天见到Tim了吗？
What did y’all do together? 你们一起做了什么？Yes. Almost naked, too. 见了。还差点裸体呢。
Did anything interesting happen? 有没有什么有趣的事发生？We went to Aire Spa in Tribeca. I’ve been several times with friends, and I love the hot baths and steam rooms. Tim bought me tickets to the Knicks game last week, his happy place, so I thought I’d treat him to one of mine. I got us the two hour pass that includes a one hour massage. 我们去了Tribeca的Aire Spa。我以前跟朋友去过几次，很喜欢他们家的热水澡和蒸汽房。Tim上周给我买了尼克斯的球票，他的游乐园，所以我觉得也该请他一次。我买了两个小时的通票，里面包括一个小时的按摩。
While we were in the steam room, Tim discussed why he didn’t think a romantic relationship between us would ever work. This meant 10 minutes of listening to him point out all my quirks and weaknesses. If I didn’t know him so well, I would have either written him off or gotten offended. I’ve known Tim for years, though, and I know this is his normal routine when he likes a girl. 我们待在蒸汽房里的时候，Tim讨论了为什么他不觉得一段浪漫的关系对我们行得通。所谓的讨论是听他指出我所有的怪异之处和缺点，时间长达十分钟。如果不是因为这么了解他，我要么跟他一笔勾销再也不来往，要么会觉得很不高兴。
As soon as he starts seeing a girl, especially a girl he really likes, he’ll focus on bizarre things about her that bother him. These things are meaningless in terms of a relationship, but he claims they are deal breakers. A few months ago he dated a great girl who seemed to have it all, but he decided he should end things because he didn’t like her shoes. Seriously. The next girl he said he liked hooked up with him too soon. The next girl he dated was amazing but she didn’t like her career as much as he likes his. All of them are either too thin, too curvy, too quiet, too loud, not creative enough, not smart enough, has daddy issues, etc. The lists of these reasons go on and on. 他一旦跟女生约会，特别是一个他很喜欢的女生，他会关注关于这个女生的一些很奇怪的点，特别是他不能理解的点。这些点对于一段关系的维系是完全没有意义的，但是他觉得太重要了。几个月前他交往了一个特别好的女生，看上去什么都有了，他却决定要结束这段关系，因为他不喜欢她的鞋子。无语了。下一个他喜欢的女生，他说她太快被勾搭上了。再下一个他约会过的女生很棒，但是她没有像他那么热爱自己的工作。所有的女生要么太瘦了，太丰满了，太安静，太吵，不够有创意，要么不够聪明，有“daddy issues”等等。这些原因可以一直列下去。
去你的完美。
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. People aren’t perfect. No one likes perfection anyways, it’s boring. Tim knows this. I think he uses these excuses to protect himself from getting too attached to a girl. I think he fears that if he gets too close he’ll lose control of the situation and get hurt. 世界上没有完美的恋爱关系。人本身就不完美。而且也没有人喜欢完美，因为很无聊。Tim也知道。我觉得他只是用这些借口去保护自己，让自己不要跟一个女生太亲近。我觉得，他担心走得太近会对场面失去控制，甚至受到伤害。
Did you learn anything new about Timothy? 你有没有更了解Tim？
In the steam room I noticed he has a big tattoo sleeve on his upper arm. I don’t know how I missed this before. We talked about the meanings behind his tattoos and when he got them. He told me that one of his ex-girlfriends got a tattoo of his name. She wanted him to have her name tattooed on him as well, but they broke up before he went through with it. 在蒸汽房的时候，我留意到他的上臂有一个很大的刺青，像袖套一样。我不知道以前怎么没发现。我们聊了聊刺青背后的意义，还有他什么时候刺的。他告诉我，一个前女友把他的名字刺到了身上。她也想要Tim把她的名字刺到身上，不过他们俩在这事实现之前就分手了。
Did you learn anything new about yourself? 你有没有更了解自己？
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? 你现在对这段关系/实验感觉怎么样？In middle school and early on in high school, I had serious struggles with perfectionism. I was terrified of breaking rules, I never had the guts to stand up for myself, and I had a massive fear of failure. I became shy and withdrawn, as I feared I might say something wrong. I hated my appearance, and I pushed myself too far at times. 在初中和刚上高中那会，我对完美主义有强迫症。很害怕破坏规矩，从来不敢为自己说话，对失败有着巨大的恐惧。我变得害羞和孤僻，因为害怕会说错话。我讨厌我的长相，有时候把自己逼得太过头了。
Many years and many hours in therapy later, I’ve come to realize that the more I tried to reach perfection, the further I would get from it. I happily learned to embrace my quirks and weaknesses, and focus my energy on my strong suits. I am far from perfect and I want to continue to learn and grow. However, I also want to be with someone who can accentuate my positives, not focus on my negatives. 经过了很多年和很多小时的心理治疗，我终于意识到我越努力想要变得完美，就越不可能变得完美。我很开心学会了接受自己的怪异之处和缺点，然后把精力用在自己的长处上。我远远够不上完美的边缘，我想要继续学习和成长。不过我也想要跟一个肯定我的长处，而不是关注我的短处的人在一起。
Is there anything that you want to do differently? 有没有什么是你想改变的？I have now admitted to Tim on a few occasions that I like him and I am curious to see if something more could develop between us. We still have to see each other every day for the next twenty-seven days, so if there was ever a time to try this out, why not now? Needless to say, he’s still confused, and continues to send me mixed signals. 我已经在不同的时间点向Tim承认对他的喜欢，也很好奇我们俩会不会进一步发生点什么。接下来，我们还会在27天里每天见面，如果有尝试的机会，为什么不抓住现在？更不用说，他还是拎不清，一直送过来混乱的信号。
Additional comments? 其他想法？I suppose I should listen to our therapist, who said I should be careful of how close I let myself get to Tim. He seems to be unable to admit to the idea that he likes me, so will he ever be ready for something more? Perhaps it is better we just stay friends. 我想，咨询师的建议是对的。她说我应该注意一下和Tim的心理距离。他好像没有办法承认他也喜欢我，所以他有可能永远也不会做好准备，更近一步。可能我们做朋友更好。
My insomnia is now full-blown because of the headaches. I’ve been trying out various medications, and while they help me sleep, they make me extremely tired and foggy during the day. Thankfully my doctor’s appointment is tomorrow. 因为头痛得厉害，失眠又来了。我尝试了不同的药物，一方面它们确实帮助我入睡，一方面让我非常劳累，一天都懵乎乎的。
第13天 Tim的日记
Did you see Jessica today? 你今天见到Jessica了吗？
What did y’all do together? 你们一起做了什么？Yep. 见了！
Did anything interesting happen? 有没有什么有趣的事发生？Jessie got us spa time and massages at Aire Ancient Baths. It was “payback” for the Knicks game. I couldn’t imagine a better payback! Jessie带我去Aire Ancient Baths水疗馆体验Spa和按摩。对上一次尼克斯比赛的回礼。
Did you learn anything new about Jessica? 你有没有更了解Jessica？While we were half-naked and sweating in saunas together, I brought up what happened Saturday night. She basically gave me an ultimatum: we either need to be just friends, or I have to tell her that I want more. Yes, I am interested in more, but it just feels too risky. 当我们半裸着，在桑拿房里发汗的时候，我提到了周六发生的事。她基本上给我一个最后通牒：我们要么做朋友，要么我得承认我想要更多。是，我是想要更多，但是也感觉风险太大了。
Did you learn anything new about yourself? 你有没有更了解自己？She looked all cute in her blue pants, beige sweater, and glasses. I feel like she wears black everyday, so I was diggin’ the change-up. Secondly, I saw her with no shoes in the spa (she’s usually wearing heels) and I noticed that she walks pigeon-toed, which is super cute. Lastly, I like that Jessie can joke around about all this. I sent her an April Fool’s email this morning. 她穿了蓝色的裤子，卡其色的毛衣，戴着眼镜，看起来很可爱。感觉上她每天都一身黑，所以我很期待她不一样的造型。然后在Spa里她没有穿鞋（她通常都会穿高跟鞋），我注意到她走路有点内八，超级可爱的。最后，我喜欢Jessie可以接受各种各样的玩笑。我今天早上发给了她一封愚人节的邮件。
How do you feel about this relationship/project right now? 你现在对这段关系/实验感觉怎么样？Today I was chatting with one of Jessie’s close friends. She wants me to stop the project because of Jessie’s recent health issues. She said that Jessie “needs friends, not experiments.” It made me feel badly, because I want what’s best for Jessie, too! Jessie is a big girl, and if she wants out, then she’ll quit. 今天我在和Jessie的一个好盆友聊天。她想要我终止这个实验，因为Jessie最近的健康出了问题。她说Jessie“需要朋友，而不是实验。” 这让我觉得心里不安，因为我也想要Jessie过得更好。Jessie是个大女孩了，如果她想要退出，她会决定退出的。
She then asked me why I’m doing this project, what’s in it for me. I told her that I really believe it’s testing my capacity for intimacy. I haven’t emotionally let a woman in my life for a while, so opening up to Jessie and not having some kind of motive, feels really nice. 然后她问我为什么愿意开始这实验，有什么吸引了我。我告诉她我真的相信，这会考验我和异性建立亲密关系的能力。我很久没有在感情上受到一个女人的牵动，所以对Jessie敞开心扉，不夹带着某种目的性，感觉真的很好。
Is there anything that you want to do differently? 有没有什么是你想改变的？I’m concerned about our talk in the spa. What happens if we “go there” and then I don’t want anything else after the 40 days? Won’t Jessie feel used? I’m not trying to “hit it and quit it.” I think a relationship with an expiration date is actually worse. 我顾虑着我们在spa里的对话。如果我们真的“更进一步”，40天后我并不想要继续，那怎么办？难道Jessie不会觉得被利用了吗？我并不想要“得到了就结束“。我想，一段有过期时间的约会更不好。
Addtional comments? 其他想法？Jessie was mildly talking about quitting the project or making it shorter. After the spa, I sent her a “BIG-ASS MESSAGE“, but she didn’t respond back. I was just trying to be funny about the situation. Jessie很淡地说起，我们可以结束这个实验或者缩短它。Spa后我发给她一条带动画特效的大字符短信，不过她没有回复我。我只是想搞笑一下。
不要放弃我啊，Jessie！
点击下面的阅读原文，可以看到前一天的日记。看看有没有你感兴趣的关键词 温哥华富二代 | 天才之死 | 三八妇女节 | 魏则西 | 巴菲特 | 人民日报 （输入关键词会推送过来一篇跟主题相关的文章）Everyone was teasing me Saturday night after Jessie left the dinner party. They said that I’m getting all the bad parts of a relationship without any of the good parts. Dammit. 每个人都在开我的玩笑，因为Jessie星期六晚上提早离开了聚餐会。他们说我有一段恋爱关系里面所有最不好的部分，而一丁点好的部分也没有。什么鬼。
第1天Tim和Jessica同是纽约的平面设计师，两个人有共同的朋友圈。他们对这个四十天的恋爱实验还没有头绪。第一天，Tim聊到了自己的单亲家庭，Jessica觉得他被亲生父亲抛弃，才害怕投入到一段感情中。
第2天两人一起去见了恋爱咨询师。咨询师毫不手软地向他们抛出了一大堆问题。他们有点不好意思地承认了对彼此的好感。
第3天Jessica约Tim去外百老汇看戏剧。这部戏激起了Jessica的一些回忆，她对Tim坦诚相告。Tim觉得受到了信任，两人的感情增近了一步。
第4天
两个大忙人在超市买菜的空档见了个短暂的面。Jessica居然还留意到Tim生活上的一些小怪癖，看来有点戏。第5天两个设计师谈恋爱也要玩创意。两个人画下了他们记忆中的前任们。这样子的创意合作让他们感到满足又亲密。第6天
Jessica听到了朋友的一些冷言冷语，她迷惑着，两个人不发生关系，也算“谈恋爱”吗？Tim知道了她的困扰，却不知道如何给出一个答案，他感到了压力。两个人最后吵起来。第7天
Tim告诉Jessica顺其自然才是这个实验的初衷，别人的想法有对的地方，但不应该盲目听从。他们两个人一起去看了视觉设计学院的学生展，碰到了很有意思的会吐露秘密的糖果机。告别后,Tim试着用短信跟Jessica调情，悲催的是，Jessica完全没有get到。第8天
Tim和Jessica去了第二次恋爱咨询，有好多新收获。咨询师告诉他们，原生家庭影响了他们各自的恋爱关系。Jessica因为父母和祖父母都幸福美满，也觉得这是理所当然的人生道路。Tim呢在没有父亲的单亲家庭长大，不知道怎么去给另一半感情支持。了解自己，学会放下，是他们要学习的恋爱功课。第9天
Jessica因为工作的原因不能厉害工作室，Tim带着他辅导的小男生一起去看她。他们聊了一会，分手后各自回想了一下昨天的恋爱咨询。Jessica领悟到工作和生活一样，不要害怕失败努力去尝试。Tim的生活得益于人生中遇到的好老师们，所以他相信，恋爱生活也一样，持续努力便会改变。第10天Jessica虽然对篮球不感兴趣，还是陪着Tim去看了尼克斯的NBA球赛。看比赛是Tim最大的乐趣。他们在球场一边吃东西，一边聊着天，一边看球赛，两个人都很开心。比赛后，Tim本来想邀请Jessica去他家，后来又作罢。
第11天
Jessica逛了一天的展览，却碰上心情不好的Tim对她发脾气。他们俩在朋友家吃完饭后，Jessica头痛加重，加上收到前男友的短信，提早离开了聚餐会。Tim以为她一直在闹脾气。Jessica打电话给Tim说明了情况，还说我们不要玩猜心游戏好吗。
第12天
Jessica和Tim一起去见了Tim以前的老师。
第13天
Jessica请Tim去水疗馆。Tim在蒸汽房里根Jessica讨论了一下为什么他们不适合。Jessica觉得Tim只是害怕受伤害，不想要靠得太近，才找出一堆借口。这是他的硬伤，也是为什么他会跟一个又一个女生分手。Tim还在犹豫是不是要更进一步，也担心Jessica会中途放弃。
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