当初为什么会和你结婚？A Crucial Question Seldom Asked

男人娶女人的时候，希望她永远不会改变；女人嫁男人的时候，希望他将来会改变。终究两者都必失望。...

一个至关重要的问题



“男人娶女人的时候，希望她永远不会改变；女人嫁男人的时候，希望他将来会改变。终究两者都必失望。”

——阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦

“那么，为什么要结婚？”

32年前，当我向我的爱人求婚的时候，我没有问自己，也没有问她这个最关键的问题。

毕竟，我们相恋了5年多，而且我们认为我们非常爱彼此，所以，结婚是顺理成章的一个结果。我没有策划戏剧性的浪漫求婚，只是很简单的问她：“嫁给我好吗？”她回答说:“我愿意！”

我想有许多的夫妻可能会像我们一样，在并不清楚为什么要结婚的时候便步入婚姻的殿堂。一些聪明的人可能会在结婚的承诺前考虑到这一点，但婚后多年他们可能早已将此遗忘。

在我和爱人的婚姻经历中，“不知道为什么结婚的理由”，对我们的婚姻没有任何的益处。

在此分享一个我们的故事。

事情发生在我们婚后的1年半，那时候我的爱人怀着我们第一个孩子，我们为一件事情争吵了起来，其中一个说：“既然我们这么不开心，那就离婚吧。”

随后，那个在婚前我们本该问自己的最关键的问题（我为什么要结婚？）则演变成，“当初我为什么会选择和你结婚？” 丑陋和痛苦的想法贯穿于我们的思想，眼泪也从我们的眼中夺眶而出。

我感谢上帝，虽然在愤怒中说了那些破坏性的话，但我们并没有做出可怕的决定，那是我们最后一次有这样可怕的想法。我很高兴，也很感谢上帝，让我们在这场风暴中得以生还，并让我们借此机会能够和大家分享，我们可以做些什么以防止这样的情况在婚姻中发生。

前不久，我又问爱人为什么会嫁给我，她回答说因为她爱我，当我听到这个答案时我很开心。但我认为她若想要能委身于我们的婚姻中并与我共度余生的话，她需要一个更好的理由。

如果，因着某些原因，我变得不那么可爱了或她不再爱我了呢？这是否意味着她可以不再继续委身于我们的婚姻中而度过她的余生吗?

这引发我们深思。

所以，最初我们为什么会选择和对方结婚呢? 我们必须永远记住这个最关键的原因，不管我们的关系好或坏，它将为我们的婚姻提供一个强而有力保护，以使得我们的婚姻不受损伤。

让我把问题适当的进一步细化，“为什么我们要在婚姻中委身于彼此？”

我和爱人单独且深深的思考了这个问题，我们都想出了一个以上的理由，而且有趣的是，我们没有彼此商量，却得到以下三个相似的原因:

1、我们相信，是上帝把我们赐予了彼此。

这是最重要的原因，使得我们同意除了对方之外，没有任何人可以成为我们人生的伴侣。所以，其他的人只是其次。

更重要的是，我们承认我们的婚姻盟约中除了我和爱人，也有上帝的参与。所以，神配合的，没有人能分开，没有人也包括我们自己！

2、我们彼此相爱，想与对方一起慢慢变老。我们不想在别人的怀中死去。

35年前我和爱人相恋，在这35年间，我们真的彼此相爱，希望一直在一起，直到死亡把我们分开。

记住这一点，不断的给我和爱人的关系提供相爱的动力，即使是在那些我们并不可爱的艰难时日。

3、我们相信在神的计划中，通过婚姻把人带到上帝面前，使之与上帝有美好的关系。

作为夫妻，我们应当服侍我们的造物主和我们所爱的人。为此，我们服侍的动机必须要超越对方的失败、自私、坏习惯和个性。彼此承担更大的服侍，将上帝更大的计划放入我们心中，更加积极主动的爱人，尤其是当我们的关系面临挑战时。

我和爱人发现了我们彼此想要维持婚姻关系的理由，我们不断地提醒自己这些原因。我们知道尽管面临挑战，但依然想要幸福的婚姻。

在我们的心灵深处，我们知道为什么结婚，并想要一生委身于此婚姻关系中。

在此我建议你开始花时间认真思考，为什么要委身于现在的婚姻关系中，不断提醒自己这些原因，你将成为极大的祝福。

陈兆纪A Crucial Question Seldom Asked

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marrymen with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

——Albert Einstein

When I proposed to My wife more than 32 years ago, I did not ask myself this fundamental question. Neither did I ask her.

After all, we had courted for more than 5 years and we thought that we loved each other very much. So getting married was anatural and rightful progression. There was no drama in my proposal. I simply asked her, "Shall we get married?". And she replied, "Yes!"

I think many couples may be like us. They do not really know the anchoring reason for getting married. Some wiser ones might have pondered over this before making their commitment to marry. But they could have forgotten it over the years.

Not knowing the anchoring reason to get married certainly did not help My wife and I in our journey as a couple.

Let me share our story.

18 months into our union and when My wife was pregnant with our first child, a variant of that question came up. While we were quarreling over an issue, one of us uttered, "Since we are sounhappy, let's get a divorce".

Following that, the fund amental question that we did not ask ourselves before we got married mutated to, "Why did I marry you in the first place?"  Ugly and painful thoughts pierced our mind and tears flowed from our eyes.

I thank God that we did not go beyond angrilyuttering those dreadful words of separation. That was the last time ever that we have that terrible thought. I am glad and thankful to God that we did not only survive that storm, we live to tell you what we have done to prevent this from ever happening in a marriage.

Sometime ago, I asked her this question again. She said that she married me because she loves me. While I am happy to hear that, I thought she needed a better reason if she wanted to stay married to mefor life.

What if, for some reasons, I become less lovableor she doesn't love me any more? Does that mean that she won't want to stay married to me for the rest of her life?

It set us thinking.

So, why did we marry each other in the first place? What is that one pivotal reason we must always remember, such that in the good and the bad times of our relationship, will provide a formidable anchor to keep our marriage intact?

The question for us was appropriately refined to, "Why do we want to stay married to one another?"

My wife and I dug deep individually to find that reason. We came up with more than one reason each and interestingly,without conferring with each other, we arrived at three similar reasons:-

#1 - We believe that it is God who has given us one to another.

This is the most important reason. Believing this compels us to agree that there is no one better to be our partner forlife. So, everyone else is only second best.

More importantly, we acknowledge that we are in a tripartite union, My wife, I and God. Surely what God has joined together,no man shall separate. No man includes us!

#2 - We truly love each other and want to grow old together. In no other arms do we want to die in.

We fell in love more than 35 years ago. Then, we grew in love for the last 35 years. We truly love one another and want to be together till death separates us.

Remembering this constantly gives My wife and I the motivation to live each day as loving as we can be, even on those days that we are not as lovable as we should be.#3 - As a couple, we are in God's master plan to bring the people of the world to a reconciled relationship with Him.



This is our service as a couple to our Creator and to the people we love.  For this, we are motivated to look beyond each other's failures, selfishness, bad habits and even idiosyncrasies. We share a greater cause. Having God's big picture edged into our hearts, we are energized to love each other more, especially at times when we face challenges in our relationship.

My wife and I found our reasons for wanting to stay married to one another. We constantly remind ourselves of these reasons.We know that we want to and will stay happily married despite challenging times ahead.

We know deep in our hearts why we got married and want to stay married to each other for life.

I urge you to dig deep and know why you want to stay married to your spouse and keep reminding yourself of this reason so that you can be the great lover.

Steven

本文作者：陈兆纪

家庭第一特约作家

作者博客：http://begreatlovers.blogspot.com/

翻译：Grace

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